Imagine living without fear of not being loved and of loving. You are no longer afraid to be rejected, and you don’t have the need to be accepted. – Don Miguel Ruiz. Comparison can destroy one’s identity and lead to the destruction of inner peace. Your love and light would slowly start subsiding, and you enter the world of doom where you simply can’t accept the beauty in front of you. I have been in this position several times in my life, and it has always led me to one destination; self-rejection. Self-rejection is the one most sinful act because we fail to appreciate the work and energy that went into the creation of each one of us. We are too busy feeling pitiful for ourselves that we forget to embrace and love. It’s easier being said than done! Especially now, entering a new age that thrives on social media usage, we have normalised comparing and being compared, so it’s abnormal to live otherwise. Even the biggest blessings can feel dreadful if you are one to compare your journey to others. I know this because I have experienced it, and trust me when I say it’s better to have not received any gifts from the universe than be given an enormous load to handle.
“The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it.”
I have first-hand experience of how destructive comparison can be. After years of parading around the idea of starting my own business, I finally started it during the dawn of the pandemic. I put myself out of my comfort zone and went for it anyway, even though the chances of success were slim. I didn’t have any money to invest nor did I have the knowledge to prosper. Though, surprisingly it worked out well (by my standards). I started the business with only one goal in my mind, to learn how to sell online. I was obsessed with my personal growth, and regardless of the countless numbers of competition I had, I still made sales. Then, I decided to scrap making face masks and moved to making jewellery instead (I tend to get bored quickly :). This transition was and still is the most demanding journey of my life. I had to start from square one and build my way back up again. My ego had made me believe that I can continue making instant sales after releasing my product with no advertising, but I was wrong. I fell deeper and deeper into the hole of self-pity and began to compare my business with other businesses which started at the same time as me. I found myself constantly checking their following on their social media pages, the number of sales and their customer reviews. I dug a hole so deep I could no longer see the light. I thought about giving up.
‘Maybe this isn’t for me.’ ‘I got lucky.’ ‘Probably beginners luck’. I got signs from the universe to keep going. I know you wouldn’t believe this, but just a couple of hours after announcing to my sister that I would quit running the business, I made a sale. It may not seem like a lot to people, but it meant the world to me! It reminded me to keep going. Where there is no pain, there is no gain. This is when the quote ‘Diamonds are made under pressure’ moved from my head to my heart as I aim to live by this principle for the rest of my life.
Pain builds character. Character attracts a crowd. Crown attracts attention. Attention attracts world domination.Rajakumari Raveendran
Especially as women, we are under constant scrutiny every day of our lives. I often talk down to myself, constantly feeling like I am less than those around me. My lack of self-love acts as a magnet drawing in negativity.
Usually, I find myself in situations where people become dismissive of my opinions or any sort of input in a controversial conversation. I feel like sometimes, to be heard, even with my own parents, I need to be accomplished or even embody a male persona where I show very little weakness and emotion when speaking the truth. But the fact is, I don’t need to put in any effort trying to prove anything to anyone if only I was content with myself. I was too busy comparing my unique self with people who were already taken. It is unreal how much pressure you might feel trying to fit in with the norm, but if we are all trying to do that, we will just end up in a dull world with very little diversity. The ones that made history and left behind a legacy, were different… Remember that!
We need to start embracing each other’s differences and accepting one another, so that we can all shine when our times comes. We need to start with the universal language of love. And yes, I know, how much change can one individual bring to the world by giving love but not receiving much in return? Well, it’s not just about you. Your energy will have a ripple effect on people around you who will start seeing the light from your eyes, embracing it, and paying it forward. Remember, you are never too small to make a difference. Try sleeping in a tent with a mosquito, it’s a thousand times smaller than we are, yet it can literally bite the shit out of anyone, regardless of your size and strength. And no, I am not saying we have the power to harm people; I am just saying regardless of how inferior we may feel, we are undeniably powerful. Reminding myself of this fact alone gives me hope for myself and the future of our humanity. But I need people to internalise this message and free themselves from the toxic cycle of self-deprecation. Adopting this simple mindset transformed my perspective about life, allowing me to find bliss in the chaos surrounding me.