“In the end it is you and your mind. Nothing anyone says will help you overcome the mess you have created in your own mind by overthinking!”Rajakumari Raveendran
Your whole mind is a fog. We live in a dreamland where thousands of people are talking simultaneously, and nobody understands each other. We lose our selves in this big chaos and cannot see who we truly are because we are already defined by others. We are not free! How many times have you woken up feeling excited for your day? Feel like your work is impacting another person’s life? Well, I have never felt that way once, and I thought it was a normal feeling. I dreaded what the day ahead had in store for me. I always felt resistance waking up, so you know what I did instead? I slept 2-3 hours extra every day to avoid my responsibilities. I was breathing but wasn’t living (read the previous post to understand what this emotion feels like). My life is so predictable because all I have been doing this far is unconsciously ticking the list created for me to complete. I did my GCSEs by 16, then A levels, and then did extracurricular activities to shine in a sea full of university candidates, then went to university by 18 thinking of all the great things I can achieve. My future list? Well, after graduating I will be expected to find a job, then work for a few years, then buy a house & car by 30, then work more to pay of my growing expenses for a unnecessary lifestyle and then have kids and then pass on the generational trauma to them and then get them married and then die peacefully. Well, there are many more things that will be happening during our lifetime, but I have given a typical outline of how our lives will be like. So why are we all soo anxious all the time? We know how our future will be like excluding the varied problems we will face; otherwise, most of it we know. I am not saying there is a right and wrong way to live. I am suggesting that we take some time to review our lives and see whether we are living it autonomously, unconsciously feeling the pressure to accommodate to the standards that society has imposed on us. I am tired of hearing the bull**** that achieving these things periodically will set me on the path of fulfilment and everlasting happiness. Well, I am nearly 20 and feel more empty and lost than I have ever felt in my life.
“You can do as much as you think you can, But you’ll never accomplish more; If you’re afraid of yourself, There’s little for you in store. For failure comes from the inside first”Edgar A.Guest
If only I was told from the beginning, all I needed to worry about is figuring out who I am, and the rest would follow. It would have eliminated most worries from my life. It will be a freeing experience where I would living twice fold in the one life that I have. Well, I am not going to complain about it. I know that everything happens for you, not to you. It’s only when you experience hell through self-rejection, the realisation alone is genuinely life-changing. ‘We are now entering a new age, the Mental Age, when poverty and circumstances no longer hold power and the lowliest creature in the land can win a place side by side with the highest’ – Robert Collier. Therefore, there is hope, and when there is hope, there is always a way, even if it feels impossible!