“Knowledge is power, only when you put it into action” – Rajakumari Raveendran
All my life, I have been chasing the idea of becoming successful. But what really is success? I believe it depends on a person’s perspective about what they think will bring them happiness and fulfilment. Think about it. At the end of the day, no matter what we are seeking to obtain, whether that be material or emotional abundance, we are doing so in the desire to achieve everlasting happiness and fulfilment. Our ego is our enemy. It makes us feel more or less than depending on our status in society. Therefore, our attempts to achieve our desires become the focal point in our lives, constantly chasing but never living to see the blessing present in our lives right at this moment. Of course, I am not saying having goals is bad; it’s vital to our existence as we dreaming the dream that could not be seen by the naked eye. Thus we are putting the subconscious message into the universe that we trusting everything that life has got to offer us because the mere fact that we have aspiring goals is a sign of hope for our future! You are holding onto hope, regardless of how unsatisfying the situation is for you right now.
So let’s talk about what success means to me? Well, in my humble opinion, GROWTH is the one most important factor that I use as an indicator of my ‘success’. Like many of us, I do have aspirations for financial freedom to fulfil my materialistic ambitions. But, I no longer let this become the determining factor of my happiness. I already have everything I need right at this moment; these trinkets will only be an addition to my life. Putting it this way, when people say you will become whole when you find your other half is a perspective I disagree with. Instead, I believe that we are a whole being looking for another to celebrate and embrace our wholeness. I found that life is how you make of it. We will all face problems and issues in life, but why are some able to overcome and achieve monumental ‘success’ afterwards whilst others continue to face issues with no end in sight. It is simply because of the way we see life. When it rains, some will see how wet and cold it makes them feel, whilst others will see it is as an essential part of sustaining the life around us. We need to stop saying that life is working against us. Everything that happens in life doesn’t happen TO us; it happens FOR us! We are like a seed; if nurtured right, it will blossom. It all starts with realising the power within us all!
I have just rambled on and given you a little pep talk. Now let’s get down to business. So realising that our mind is a powerhouse can make the impossible possible, so why don’t all our dreams come true? This is because you have never focused your desires on one great dominating desire. You have a host of mild desires. If you have ever taken a magnifying glass and let the sun’s rays play through it on some object, you know that they accomplished nothing as long as the beams were scattered. I have been here too many times; it’s unreal how I still feel the same every time. The minute I let my logical brain the chance to shine, it floods in opinions of uninvited guests into my mind, with no spare room for my own thoughts. Have you ever been in a situation where you have been blessed with something you never thought you could attain and still feel lost? After talking to some of my closest friends, I found that this was a normal thing. It’s actually irritating how much we have normalised having a chaotic mind! We keep getting lost because we are bombarded with messages from our external environment, sublimely controlling how we should live OUR lives to attain happiness and fulfilment. So how do we become more focused and concentrate on our desires? It’s simple. Get so interested in something that you pay no attention to anything else that is going on around you. It’s like when you have a five-second intensive stare contest with a person you find attractive, everything becomes a blur apart from your (or soon to be) crush 😉 Don’t worry about the means for accomplishing your desire – give it intensive thought and then pass it onto your subconscious mentality, reciting, “attend this for me – work out the answer”. Do as Aladdin did, summon your genie, give him your orders, then forget the matter, secure in the knowledge that he will attend to it for you. – Robert Collier.
Every time I achieved the smaller goals I set for myself, I feel as though I am walking on water. It puts me in a high state of being, but I slowly become unhappy as I often find myself dissatisfied with the outcome. I now expect too much of myself, in a limited time frame, because of the need to feel deserving of the blessing. (Check out my previous blog about ” to read about my personal experience). I was feeling this way because I forgot to show my gratitude towards my blessings and become obsessed with the next best thing. I was practically running a race, which I didn’t realise until now, whilst writing this blog, and thinking about it makes me tired! The more conscious I became with my feelings, the easier it became for me to take control and seize the day. Thus, in return, I hope to achieve my goals whilst enjoying every part of my journey. Staying blissful and grateful for the pain and well as the gains in my life. I implore you all to do the same!
Don’t get me wrong hard work is essential, but why are people taking it to the extreme. I was caught up in this culture not too long ago, and it broke me into pieces because nothing I did felt good enough. I am a person who has always been hard on myself, and If I took the time to understand myself and my needs, I wouldn’t have had to become caught up in this toxic culture. I required self-love and patience. I understand that some people might disagree, but this is what I needed to do for myself to move forward in life! It is important to feel inspired by other people’s stories but not to a point where you idolise anything or anyone believing that success and happiness is only found through imitating theirs lives. To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment. I was determined to realise my potential through the grind, but I ended up hurting my self through the process. All I need to do is make use of my brain, which I realise is my greatest asset in life!
When the mind is busy with thousands of voices seeking to be heard, then what we truly want will be that much harder to attain. The grind culture completely disregards the need for self-reflection. We are always thinking, our way to death… literally. When was the last time you sat in silence with your self and your thoughts? Well, let me break the ice, I tried to, but it was too difficult for me as I couldn’t stop all the thoughts from flooding in and out. I am not saying being thoughtless is fantastic. It’s actually the opposite; being thoughtful and conscious about your words, thoughts and actions is a significant part of growing. You can’t deny the fact that the whole purpose of existence is GROWTH. The one unforgivable sin is to stand still, to stagnate – Robert Collier. As long as we make conscious efforts to do something every day to become closer with our true being, we are slowly but steadily manifesting health, success, happiness and prosperity into our lives. Think about it, we came into life form with nothing but our physical bodies, and we will all soon be leaving without anything. In retrospect, everything that happens to us is a blessing in disguise. The misfortunes will shape you into a more wise being, whilst success will treat you with inspiration to achieve more in life. That being said, we have everything we need to become our version of success, taking control of the mind is the only way to harness our super power!
P.S. My journey is never complete, but I am really grateful for all the people that I have in my life who encourage me to chase my dreams and be the best version of myself each and every day. I will like to share my overwhelming gratitude to my sister, and my best friends.
Imagine living without fear of not being loved and of loving. You are no longer afraid to be rejected, and you don’t have the need to be accepted. – Don Miguel Ruiz. Comparison can destroy one’s identity and lead to the destruction of inner peace. Your love and light would slowly start subsiding, and you enter the world of doom where you simply can’t accept the beauty in front of you. I have been in this position several times in my life, and it has always led me to one destination; self-rejection. Self-rejection is the one most sinful act because we fail to appreciate the work and energy that went into the creation of each one of us. We are too busy feeling pitiful for ourselves that we forget to embrace and love. It’s easier being said than done! Especially now, entering a new age that thrives on social media usage, we have normalised comparing and being compared, so it’s abnormal to live otherwise. Even the biggest blessings can feel dreadful if you are one to compare your journey to others. I know this because I have experienced it, and trust me when I say it’s better to have not received any gifts from the universe than be given an enormous load to handle.
“The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it.”
I have first-hand experience of how destructive comparison can be. After years of parading around the idea of starting my own business, I finally started it during the dawn of the pandemic. I put myself out of my comfort zone and went for it anyway, even though the chances of success were slim. I didn’t have any money to invest nor did I have the knowledge to prosper. Though, surprisingly it worked out well (by my standards). I started the business with only one goal in my mind, to learn how to sell online. I was obsessed with my personal growth, and regardless of the countless numbers of competition I had, I still made sales. Then, I decided to scrap making face masks and moved to making jewellery instead (I tend to get bored quickly :). This transition was and still is the most demanding journey of my life. I had to start from square one and build my way back up again. My ego had made me believe that I can continue making instant sales after releasing my product with no advertising, but I was wrong. I fell deeper and deeper into the hole of self-pity and began to compare my business with other businesses which started at the same time as me. I found myself constantly checking their following on their social media pages, the number of sales and their customer reviews. I dug a hole so deep I could no longer see the light. I thought about giving up.
‘Maybe this isn’t for me.’ ‘I got lucky.’ ‘Probably beginners luck’. I got signs from the universe to keep going. I know you wouldn’t believe this, but just a couple of hours after announcing to my sister that I would quit running the business, I made a sale. It may not seem like a lot to people, but it meant the world to me! It reminded me to keep going. Where there is no pain, there is no gain. This is when the quote ‘Diamonds are made under pressure’ moved from my head to my heart as I aim to live by this principle for the rest of my life.
Pain builds character. Character attracts a crowd. Crown attracts attention. Attention attracts world domination.Rajakumari Raveendran
Especially as women, we are under constant scrutiny every day of our lives. I often talk down to myself, constantly feeling like I am less than those around me. My lack of self-love acts as a magnet drawing in negativity.
Usually, I find myself in situations where people become dismissive of my opinions or any sort of input in a controversial conversation. I feel like sometimes, to be heard, even with my own parents, I need to be accomplished or even embody a male persona where I show very little weakness and emotion when speaking the truth. But the fact is, I don’t need to put in any effort trying to prove anything to anyone if only I was content with myself. I was too busy comparing my unique self with people who were already taken. It is unreal how much pressure you might feel trying to fit in with the norm, but if we are all trying to do that, we will just end up in a dull world with very little diversity. The ones that made history and left behind a legacy, were different… Remember that!
We need to start embracing each other’s differences and accepting one another, so that we can all shine when our times comes. We need to start with the universal language of love. And yes, I know, how much change can one individual bring to the world by giving love but not receiving much in return? Well, it’s not just about you. Your energy will have a ripple effect on people around you who will start seeing the light from your eyes, embracing it, and paying it forward. Remember, you are never too small to make a difference. Try sleeping in a tent with a mosquito, it’s a thousand times smaller than we are, yet it can literally bite the shit out of anyone, regardless of your size and strength. And no, I am not saying we have the power to harm people; I am just saying regardless of how inferior we may feel, we are undeniably powerful. Reminding myself of this fact alone gives me hope for myself and the future of our humanity. But I need people to internalise this message and free themselves from the toxic cycle of self-deprecation. Adopting this simple mindset transformed my perspective about life, allowing me to find bliss in the chaos surrounding me.
“In the end it is you and your mind. Nothing anyone says will help you overcome the mess you have created in your own mind by overthinking!”Rajakumari Raveendran
Your whole mind is a fog. We live in a dreamland where thousands of people are talking simultaneously, and nobody understands each other. We lose our selves in this big chaos and cannot see who we truly are because we are already defined by others. We are not free! How many times have you woken up feeling excited for your day? Feel like your work is impacting another person’s life? Well, I have never felt that way once, and I thought it was a normal feeling. I dreaded what the day ahead had in store for me. I always felt resistance waking up, so you know what I did instead? I slept 2-3 hours extra every day to avoid my responsibilities. I was breathing but wasn’t living (read the previous post to understand what this emotion feels like). My life is so predictable because all I have been doing this far is unconsciously ticking the list created for me to complete. I did my GCSEs by 16, then A levels, and then did extracurricular activities to shine in a sea full of university candidates, then went to university by 18 thinking of all the great things I can achieve. My future list? Well, after graduating I will be expected to find a job, then work for a few years, then buy a house & car by 30, then work more to pay of my growing expenses for a unnecessary lifestyle and then have kids and then pass on the generational trauma to them and then get them married and then die peacefully. Well, there are many more things that will be happening during our lifetime, but I have given a typical outline of how our lives will be like. So why are we all soo anxious all the time? We know how our future will be like excluding the varied problems we will face; otherwise, most of it we know. I am not saying there is a right and wrong way to live. I am suggesting that we take some time to review our lives and see whether we are living it autonomously, unconsciously feeling the pressure to accommodate to the standards that society has imposed on us. I am tired of hearing the bull**** that achieving these things periodically will set me on the path of fulfilment and everlasting happiness. Well, I am nearly 20 and feel more empty and lost than I have ever felt in my life.
“You can do as much as you think you can, But you’ll never accomplish more; If you’re afraid of yourself, There’s little for you in store. For failure comes from the inside first”Edgar A.Guest
If only I was told from the beginning, all I needed to worry about is figuring out who I am, and the rest would follow. It would have eliminated most worries from my life. It will be a freeing experience where I would living twice fold in the one life that I have. Well, I am not going to complain about it. I know that everything happens for you, not to you. It’s only when you experience hell through self-rejection, the realisation alone is genuinely life-changing. ‘We are now entering a new age, the Mental Age, when poverty and circumstances no longer hold power and the lowliest creature in the land can win a place side by side with the highest’ – Robert Collier. Therefore, there is hope, and when there is hope, there is always a way, even if it feels impossible!
Being trapped in the same rat race for years is a restless and draining process. Always seeking the next best thing left me in state of greed and endless desire. Nothing I ever achieved was fulfilling. The problem was that I never once stopped to reflect on my achievements, even if they were small because I didn’t feel deserving of the blessing I received. It’s like rubbing salt on an open wound. Unless you accept yourself for who you are and your past for whatever that may be, you will always seek others’ approval. As children, we didn’t have the opportunity to choose our beliefs, and we believed everything the adults said. We agree with them, and our faith is so strong that the belief system controls the rest of our lives. We then unconsciously live a life that others have determined because we listen to their opinions regarding our strengths and weaknesses. I am tired of living this way. Achieving everlasting happiness may feel like a far fetched dream, but I know it is possible! We have often normalised living in fear and misery that being happy has become uncommon. The older I get, I am beginning to learn that I hold power to the future I desire, and I no longer focus on the destination as much as I do on the journey. I am slowly chipping away at my old agreements and planting seeds of hope. I lost my identity once, and I am not willing to lose it again.
Looking back, I was (and still) never an academically inclined student and always had trouble getting top grades. Though, I was a hard worker, and determined. I was made to feel stupid all the time by some family members, peers and teachers that manifested into the desire to prove people wrong and prove to THEM what I was capable off. I did just that and achieved grades I never thought I could achieve in my lifetime. I worked my ass off to achieve these grades, had no social life, worked through the days even when I felt burnt out. I achieved an award for being one of the top achievers in my school and my peers congratulated me whilst having being in a complete state of shock. This moment should have made me feel invincible, I had achieved everything I desired but why did I still felt insecure and belittle? It was a strange feeling that cannot be explained. This vicious cycle of proving people wrong took away my identity and the once happy and carefree girl become closed off and cold. It took me years to realise that I had the ability to achieve anything when I put my mind to it and that I didn’t need to prove anything to anyone. It’s like a eureka moment that happens very rarely in your life time when you realise that all this time you have been living the wrong way. I was chasing something that I thought will provide me with fulfilment and happiness but that wasn’t true. I am my only remedy to a poisoned mind.